Thanks for stopping by!
Steph

Wonder why I stopped. Wonder if I just felt like I’d made my self to venerable. I really can’t put my finger on it to tell you the truth. All I know is that it really was a great outlet for my thoughts.

Does anyone still come back to check in? Is that who I was writing for…others? I hope not. I hope I could share some insight into my world at least.

I suppose it’s time to start making time for something I enjoy again. One thing I look forward to -someday- is having my blog soft bound so that when I’m older and want to reminisce I will have something to help jog my memory and share with my grandchildren. That’s not even mentioning the information for generations after I’m gone. That’s a biggie.

Anyone want to help me get back on the wagon? Help me pick some posts to start? Here’s some things I want to share:

1. New Orleans-A Slumber Adventure
2. Motherhood-Will I ever be able to resign?
3. Depression, schizophrenia and the roller coaster
4. A vacation for two. Freaks a plenty!

Gosh there’s so much more. Leave a comment if there’s a particular one that sounds blog worthy.

See ya soon!

Horrible Picture Quality...sorry!

Today, I got the answer I’ve needed for the past 2.5 years.  Am I allergic to Shellfish?  Just Crustaceans?   Just Mollusks?

I guess I’m one of the difficult ones because my tests came back negative for allergies to either.  But that doesn’t explain why I get so sick when I eat them.

Doc said that he sees someone like me about every other month, that has the same symptoms as I do, who indeed think they are also allergic.   But thankfully it’s only an Intolerance, not an Allergy (as defined).

He did recommend that I start slowly…and stay away from the Mollusks.   I know what happens when I eat them so I’m nervous to even try because speaking from experience, the after effects SUCK!  But I really want seafood.  I’ve only had it 3 times in the past 2.5 years…and I miss it!

Tough day.   Glad I’m not allergic, sad that it still doesn’t explain why I can’t tolerate something that I love so much.   If this was all in my head, why wouldn’t I be saying I was allergic to something like LIVER, or BRUSSEL SPROUTS?

I guess I’ll just hope and pray for the best.

Start small...is this small enough?

Forgo the Clams...really?  As I was searching for seafood pics, to post above…90% of the pictures had Clams in them…man, it’s like EVERYONE is trying to torture me today.

And be thankful that I won’t die if I eat them again.

Good news?   You be the judge.  *Sigh*

I’m not feeling so good…

The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a high level summary of its overall blog health:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads This blog is on fire!.

Crunchy numbers

A Boeing 747-400 passenger jet can hold 416 passengers. This blog was viewed about 6,200 times in 2010. That’s about 15 full 747s.

In 2010, there were 30 new posts, growing the total archive of this blog to 465 posts. There were 130 pictures uploaded, taking up a total of 57mb. That’s about 3 pictures per week.

The busiest day of the year was October 8th with 92 views. The most popular post that day was I’ll Lend You a Child.

Where did they come from?

The top referring sites in 2010 were headlessfamily5.blogspot.com, search.aol.com, google.com, Google Reader, and blogger.com.

Some visitors came searching, mostly for cup of tea, are rhododendrons poisonous to dogs, 8 ball, rhododendron poisonous to dogs, and hp blog.

Attractions in 2010

These are the posts and pages that got the most views in 2010.

I’ll Lend You a Child April 2009
2 comments

Rhododendrons are poisonous to dogs! May 2007
1 comment

How do you call a cow? November 2009
5 comments

My Magic 8 Ball February 2008
2 comments

HP Sucks! (Guest Blog) August 2008
12 comments

I am NOT looking forward to it, but I know it’s a necessity.

I’ve seen one be done before…but now it’s gonna be me gettin squished. How much fun will that be?

I never could have imagined how this would have affected me. No, not the mammogram…KK’s Breast Cancer. Watching her go through all the stress that comes along with a diagnosis and treatment of this kind. Tough.

Today sucked. (Well Tuesday did). I wonder what garbage tomorrow will bring. Yep. I’m very pessimistic these days. Unfortunately.

I may not know a handful of things, but when I finally have done everything I can to make sure that the problem is NOT F’ing MINE…and I bring it to the attention of someone who is supposed to be there to help me. I really wish they would do their job!  I am seriously not trying to waste your time.

Now I know why some people just can’t take it anymore and go in to their place of business, or somewhere else that they have not gotten the CUSTOMER SERVICE that they should have received, and blow the place to smithereens – people included!

I have an extreme lack of patience today. Isn’t that obvious?

Christina Perri – Jar of Hearts

I know I can’t take one more step towards you
Cause all that’s waiting is regret
And don’t you know I’m not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are

I hear you’re asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

I learned to live half alive
And now you want me one more time

And who do you think you are
Running ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Who do you think you are

And it took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you’re back
You don’t get to get me back

And who do you think you are
Running ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

And who do you think you are
Running ’round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You’re gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don’t come back for me
Don’t come back at all

Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?

Toby Keith – I wanna talk about me.

I wanna talk about me
Wanna talk about I
Wanna talk about number one
Oh my me my
What I think
What I like
What I know
What I want
What I see

Thing is…I am not sure who this post really is about.   Ok, it’s about me.

I know I have issues.   I do.  I however, unlike some, am trying to figure out if I’m alone, with a bunch of other “on the verge of tears” mothers, or if I’m just completely insane.   I know you want to, but don’t answer that question just yet.

I wonder…am I vain? Stuck up?  Do I think I’m better than everyone else?  Do I honestly believe that there is no one else goes through this kind of B.S.?

I am the best mom, wife, friend and daughter I can be.  I am pretty sure that none of it comes easy for anyone else either…so why don’t I share my trials and tribulations with my friends?   How is it that I can share ‘this’ with YOU, ‘that’ with HER and then ‘this other crap’ with HIM?

Why can’t I just tell ALL of my friends and family ALL of it?

I’ve come to the conclusion (whether it’s right or wrong) that I don’t want you to judge me, my husband, or my daughter…and though I really believe that no one wants to be judgmental…they still are.

Some of my friends have said very sweet things to me to help me through these tough times.  Things like: she is in college, she is working, she’s not pregnant or doing drugs…(yes but did you know that she’s really great about putting herself in dangerous situations and one of my biggest fears is having the police tell me they found her dead in a dumpster?)    And other things like:  Just because she choses to make bad decisions, doesn’t mean it’s a refection on you or your parenting, it’s her choice.  (yes, but OMG do you not realize that I have taught her better?  If “A” could=$$$ and “B” could=Trouble…she will 99% of the time chose “B”.    Is she purposely trying to make me look like an idiot?  I think I can do that on my own thank you very much.)

Ya.  Welcome to my nightmare.

Recently I had one of my dear friends ask me if she had offended me or if she’d done something wrong because there was something that didn’t feel right about our relationship and it had been that way for a while.   That was very tough for me to answer when I have so much in my head about all of this.   I did the best I could.   I told her no, that we just don’t have as many things in common anymore.  Her kids are young, mine is not.  (I left it at that.)   I don’t know if I should have gone on to say…I scrapbook, make cards, and do a little genealogy here and there.  I have found solace in working for myself, helping other couples have the wonderful relationship opportunity that I have.  I sometimes go to the gym, email, and blog.  I love everything about technology.  She doesn’t do any of those things.   It doesn’t mean I don’t love her any less.  We are just at different points in our lives, I’m sure we will be in the same place again, and it hopefully will not seem like even a moment has past.  It’s just not that time right now for us.   And I don’t know what to do about that.

Each of my friends plays such a different role in my life.  There is a poem about that….

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled;
their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

My point (there are so many sorry) is that I have so much to learn/gain/glean from each of my friends and family members but my insecurities right now are more prevalent than my head wants to believe.

One of the reasons that really stands out as to why I don’t share it ALL with everyone, is that I have friends and family who have children who (as seen through my eyes) are “scary” perfect.

Wow… now am I being judgmental?   That is not my intent.  I’m just working through this stuff.   I know that everyone has their own issues personally and with their children…but I don’t know what those issues are…so I assume there aren’t any because they know how to parent properly.    OMG my thinking is so twisted!!

I hear (the voices in my head) saying if only you did this…or didn’t do that.  What were you thinking when you let this happen?   Didn’t you see that coming?   Why didn’t you find a church after you left the “BIG” one?  Were you being too picky?   Would that have changed things?  Who knows.  So many “what if’s”…

I know there are a few people who read my blog that don’t really know me.  Really KNOW me—

I know there are friends from high school that I haven’t hung out with in years, or ever.  And how about an “ex” spouse or two, or three.  Not to mention both friends and family who have never met me…

—and frankly could think that I might be off my rocker, and/or unstable.   Thanks so much for the vote of confidence.    I say that with a giggle…really I do.   (Does this straight jacket come in Pink?)

But you know…here’s the thing.   I’m vomiting what others think/feel but are scared, ashamed, or are maybe too personally private to actually come out and say.  I know, from the bottom of my heart, that I cannot be the only one going through my own personal parenting HELL.

I also know that if you’ve not been in this spot yet, are not here right now, or seriously think that you won’t ever be here…ok yeah.  Be prepared because you WILL wake up from that Fairytale dream soon enough.  Enjoy it while you can.

Bullying, teen trash talk, locker partners stealing, friends who stab you in the back, boyfriends that are less than desirable, girlfriends who lead you on…the list goes on and on.   These wonderful life experiences don’t discriminate because you went to church, or your kid was in soccer or dance.   I thought mine was going to devour an entire library at one point because she couldn’t stop reading.    She even read about the crap that is going on now…so that was some seriously wasted reading time.

One of my favorite parenting life experiences, that some of you might not want to believe, is a tough one to swallow.  Ready?    Did you know that your precious child WILL actually LIE to you, point blank, right to your face.   Yes, they WILL.  You just might not know, or want to know.   It will crush you.  After all…you taught them better, right?

Your child does not/will not swear right?  Will not sneak out, have premarital sex, drink, smoke, do drugs, have a fake ID.    Will not shoplift, will not leave the house in one outfit and change into another around the corner.  Your child will not look at porn, will not talk to strangers, will not meet someone on the Internet.  <Heavy Sigh>

You talked until you were blue in the face.  You will continue to do it.   You have taken all the steps to ensure Internet safety (from all the freaks) and safe surfing (so they don’t have to wash their eyes out with bleach)… You have even shared all the stories on the news about kids being kidnapped, raped and killed.  And you didn’t forget to discuss consequences like jail and how babies are made, STD’s and HIV.   <Insert another heavy sigh here>

Wow, really there’s more…?

• morals
• values
• politics
• religion
• respect
• …and that list goes on too.

I am telling you all of this because I needed to work through this stage of parenting with someone (all of you).  I needed to remind myself that I am not alone.   Each and every one of you will have your own issues to deal with when it comes to your children.  Some of them will be worse than mine; some of them will be trivial compared.

But the fact is still the same:  I don’t want to share the crappy stuff with any of you about what’s going on here for me as a parent, because I don’t want you to think any less of me…of my husband, my daughter or my boys.

And as I figured before I started this post, I got nowhere.

I am so blessed to know the hearts of a handful of you that read this…so I know you will tell me that you won’t judge, and that I’m free to share.   Thank you.   I will probably still not share ALL of it with ALL of you.

Why?   Because I want you all to believe that I am the best wife, best parent, best daughter, and friend out there…and that I have it all together.  And I want you to know that I have the best husband, the best daughter, the best sons and the best parents and friends out there too…because I do.

I hope you understand.  I also hope that when you feel like you’re all alone (and you’re in this spot where I am right now) that you know that no matter how bad it is you’re REALLY NOT alone, and that someone out there has it worse than you do.   For that I am sad, yet thankful.

Now you can answer me…am I alone, with a bunch of other “on the verge of tears” mothers, or am I just completely insane?

Did someone say parenting came with a manual?
If they did…THEY LIED.

Tune in next time for more fun topics like:

• Oh, the wireless code?  That’ll be $29.95 in advance please.
• What?  Our washer and dryer are coin operated?
• Your house key won’t work after 1am?  I wonder why?

And my personal favorite:

• You’re moving out?  But who will tie your shoes?

And now my wonderful friends…
I think I can finally sleep.
Goodnight Moon.   It’s 3:51am

Talkin’ to myself and feelin’ old
Sometimes I’d like to quit
Nothing ever seems to fit
Hangin’ around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
What I’ve got they used to call the blues
Nothin’ is really wrong
Feelin’ like I don’t belong
Walkin’ around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.
Funny but it seems I always wind up here
with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny but it seems that it’s the only thing to do
Run and find the one who loves me.
What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out
We know what it’s all about
Hangin’ around
Nothing to do but frown
Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

We are so proud! I’m so thankful that he invited us and we got the chance to hang out with him.

He’s such a great kid!

The score?   Maniacs 6 ….Bulldogs 32!!!!   Go Team!