Posted by: A Mom w/Fears | October 20, 2010

Random Vomit

  • Lots to do.
  • Tired.
  • Miss the gym.
  • Love my Mac.
  • Being an adult sucks.
  • I miss 4th grade, and I hated 4th grade.
  • Today is rancid.
  • Tomorrow scares me.
  • Cigarettes are my enemy so why do I want one?
  • I have some great friends…really great, but why am I afraid to really “open up” to any of them?
  • Why should I care what other people think about me, about my family, my marriage?
  • I want a place to run away to. No phone, no computer, no problems, no worries.
  • Cancer still sucks.
  • Chemo sucks.
  • Radiation sucks.
  • Watching friends go through the above 3 items really sucks!
  • Feeling alone makes me sad. I know I’m not but…some days I feel like it.


This is what I feel like today...

Posted by: A Mom w/Fears | October 10, 2010

Finished and Fotos

So, finally my sleeve is finished. And it has been Professionally Photographed so that Darcy can start submitting them to magazines. They turned out amazing!

Hubby and I were among about 15 clients that Darcy asked to come in to get photographed. She wanted to get pictures of her big pieces, and her favorites. Wow!  These pictures are taken from Darcy’s Facebook so they don’t show the quality like I wish they did, but they are outstanding!  Here’s pictures of Hubby’s calf.

And my sleeve and the Scary Girl.

Dan didn’t do ANY alterations to these. I additionally did not before posting them either.

Thanks for letting me share. I couldn’t be happier.

Posted by: A Mom w/Fears | September 14, 2010

Would you believe???

Would you believe I blogged today?

Well…I did, BUT I posted it here…for KK.

For those of you who are wondering…I have not stopped blogging all together, I have just taken a little break.   I do hope to be back soon though, I really miss it…and I miss all of you!  If you’re still here checking on me…comment please.  Let me know that I have a reason to come back and fill you all in.  🙂


Posted by: A Mom w/Fears | June 20, 2010

Random Thoughts

Some friends of ours just split up. I don’t have any details and it sucks. But right now my heart is broken, my stomach is churning, I am just so confused. I thought that they were one of the happiest couples we knew. I did however know that something was up, just couldn’t put my finger on it.

We’ve always told BabyAm that you never know what’s going on inside someone else’s house.

The jerk neighbors have had “Just Married” written all over their car (that hasn’t moved since that day) for over 2 months now. Why?

Same neighbors tore out all their cat-pee bushes and threw them in their front yard (over two weeks ago) and they are still there. Their grass is dying. Now the other neighbor has quit mowing their lawn for them, so it looks quite trashy. They are not renters. Who does this?

Now the two houses we look at every day out our window look like dumps. Nice.

One more week (7 days really), and it will be ONE year since I smoked a cigarette!!!! Well, both Hubby and I…can’t leave him out. We are doing so well.

I haven’t wanted to ask, but i hope one of my sweet friends who has been trying to lick the smoking habit too, is doing good with it. If she’s reading this, maybe she’ll let me know. I’ve not stopped rooting for her. You go girl!

Cancer still sucks. Chemo sucks. All the side effects of Chemo suck too. I think it sucks that I can’t help KK. It’s starting to really piss me off.

Our vacation (that I didn’t mention yet) was wonderful…we ate our way through Portland and Seattle…but my back ached the entire time, and my ankle…still not healed.

My “To Do” list is too long for me to even start writing it out.

I haven’t felt like blogging lately. I must be going through a “season”…I don’t know if I like it. I miss getting things off my chest.

Really…they split up? I still am in shock. Hurting for them both. So unexpected.

*sigh* Thanks for the dump.

Posted by: A Mom w/Fears | May 16, 2010

Where did the time go?

Let’s see…in NO particular order…the last two weeks have looked like this…

Race for the Cure – Karen’s Kommandoes!

You can see more pictures HERE.

Yard Sale Prep – You would not believe the stuff that sold and the stuff that didn’t sell.

Yard Sale – There were 4 Families we made $1700 total!  Fri/Sat Only!

BabyAm got rear ended by a TEXTER no less.  While she was stopped.   Then she then rear ended another vehicle with kids in it.   The 20 year old kid continued to text after the accident, when he came up to check on BabyAm and then he even had the nerve to text and smoke while talking with the police officer!!!  Can you believe that kid????   To top it off State Farm screwed us over.  I hate them.   They were so completely rude to my husband, I can’t even think about it without getting mad and cussing inside my head (or out loud, depending).   The amount of damage done to our car was $3700 (which doesn’t look like it in the pictures of the car, its frame damage etc…so I didn’t post it), they so generously gave us a whoppin $2100.   There is no possible way we would have been able to replace our car with a like car,  for that minuscule amount of money.

I will NEVER use State Farm.  NEVER.  I don’t know how this woman sleeps at night with the way she treats people.   (That is too much of a story to tell right now, sorry)   All in all, PLEASE DO NOT TEXT AND DRIVE, I BEG YOU.

Here’s a picture of the paramedics who came.   You can see the bail bonds place was real close had they put that 20 year old, disrespectful kid in the slammer!

We bought a new (used 2000 Dodge Stratus) car, and within 5 days of it being in our possession, we put $1000 into it.    Sucks.  Well $200 of it was oil/lube/filter/flush etc. and was kind of voluntary, the rest of it was a new distributor.   It’s a great car, and I’m sure it was just time.  Now we feel even more comfortable with it, than we did the Honda (94 Civic).

Lets see, now we are dealing with the medical claim, with State farm.  But the claims adjuster is out of town until Tuesday.   I hope he’s better than the witch Hubby dealt with on the car.

The air conditioner in the house was wired incorrectly when they put a new furnace in sometime in October.   They must not have even TRIED to test the Air, or they would have known it was wrong.   I am so thankful Hubby is a good handy man.  🙂   Now we just need to get the ducts cleaned out, so we can have more than a small puff of air coming out of the registers on the main floor.   We live in a tri-level, obviously by the pic above.

Anyway, BabyAm has finally finished all her finals for her 2nd semester of college…she’s glad it’s over and so are we.  She’s on her quest now, to find her very first job.   She’s finding it it quite enjoyable (not).

I also got almost all of my outlining done on my sleeve…finally it looks like a real sleeve and not several pieces.   I’ve got a couple more appointments and I’m going to need to take on some cancellations to get it finished.   But it’s so beautiful.   At my last appointment I got a black widow and web (on my elbow), some cala lillies, a bumble bee, and some other pieces colored in…it’s amazing.  Pictures soon I promise.  It’s peeling now, so it’s not very attractive.

I am now off to spend the afternoon at some friends of ours that we used to live across the street from, we are celebrating “C”s new job and “S” is makin’ Carne Asada!!!  Bring on the Tequila my friends!  🙂  Tomorrow starts a new beginning for our family in so many ways.

Posted by: A Mom w/Fears | May 3, 2010

Funny Girl

Just a note to let you know, that I posted HERE today.  🙂

Posted by: A Mom w/Fears | April 27, 2010

No Salt Please

It’s all fun and games until someone…

  • looses an eye?
  • falls down the stairs?
  • has hair coming back in GREY?


My hair is coming back in VERY dark. Scary dark. (The pictures below don’t show it though) I really had no idea. I’m not sure why it’s bothering me so much. I seriously don’t believe the crap about Blondes having more fun, so what’s the problem here people???

I was sittin on the love-seat a week or so ago and Hubby jokingly (really he was joking) said that from where he was standing, I looked like an old man from behind… COME ON!

Say it isn’t so…this is what he saw…well from the top anyway…

It is so, isn’t it…?

And then last night, he took a couple picture of my head again…
only this time to show me that the Old Man he saw before,
might just be table condiments.

Salt an’ Peppa! AHHHH!!!!

I complain, whine and moan, but nothing can compare to what KK is going through.   Last night GI Jane’s Facebook said that Momma had a couple bald patches…which sucks.  The doctor told her that it wouldn’t be long after starting Chemo  about 12-18 days, and today is day 12.   Man its so strange how they can be right on the nose with crap like this.

Please keep KK and her family in your prayers, this journey for them is just beginning and it’s going to be a very long one.   Yesterday the announcement was reported (finally in the media) that GI Jane leaves for Iraq in September.   This totally could not have come at a worse time.  Thankfully KK has a great support team and GI Jane knows we’ll take great care of her Momma.

*according to our President’s campaign, he was going to have the troops ALL out of Iraq by May

Barack Obama will work with military commanders on the ground in Iraq and in consultation with the Iraqi government to end the war safely and responsibly within 16 months.

This is a direct quote from the Obama Campaign Website under “Ending the War Responsibly”

…ya we’ll just add that one to the long list of broken promises*

And lastly, there is no nice way to say this but, for those of you who know me personally, I am not a lover of political discussions and I know you will understand where I am coming from and is not meant for you.  This is my blog, and if you want to have any sort of political conversation with me, or leave me nasty comments because of the above quote…don’t bother, I will delete them.

Posted by: A Mom w/Fears | April 23, 2010


I know that no matter what I do, there will always be critics.

I love to laugh.
I love to hang with fun people.
I love to share knowledge.
I love to see people happy.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…
~The Little Engine that Could

If you rain on my parade, I’ll assume you have no parade of your own!

Posted by: A Mom w/Fears | April 22, 2010

Full of it…

I think I am officially Full of It.   But what is “IT”?  I don’t know.  Random crap.   Lately that’s about all I can muster up, no real full circle thoughts. None of this is meant to sound bitchy.  I’m just actually trying to clear my head.

I am not sure if it’s emotional overload or if it is age.

Speaking of Age.  40 is nearing.  Quickly I might add.   I want 40 to be something exciting to look forward to.  Any ideas?   I will be heading into this decade with salt and pepper looking stubble on my head, and the dark is absolutely a mystery to be honest.   I realize I haven’t seen my real hair color since probably junior high…but come on…it’s really dark.   The grey, it is from all the excitement I have had experiencing the wonders of motherhood, and I’m hoping it will stop now that I’ve done the hardest part.  I have…right?   0-18 years?  It’s all downhill from here…anyone, anyone?

One would think I’m having a mid-life crisis…getting a “sleeve” tattoo.  I mentioned I wanted one, here at the bottom of the post, but I am sure no one really thought that I would actually follow through.   I am.

I’ve been having work done on it since the beginning of December 09.   I think it’s a total of 8 appointments all together, and I have 4 more left.  Should be done mid June.  I have an appointment on the 27th, then two in May (11th, 27th) and one in June (16th) that should finish it off.  I’m excited. It’s looking great.  But I really do not think it’s a mid-life crisis.  I think it’s something that is mine, mine alone that I can not only control, but that no one can take away from me.  (Selfish?  Maybe.)

Control.  I can’t control the weather, or the traffic, or the way I would hope my daughter would carry herself.   I can’t control the way others think of me, or treat me.  I can’t control when I’m going to get sick with a cold, the flu, or like when I sprained my ankle.  Who knew?   That was one little TRIP I didn’t need to take.

So many things can be ripped right out from underneath us, our lives for one because we don’t know when God will call for us. And what about our minds, Alzheimer’s doesn’t discriminate.  Our jobs, this economy is not stable and business’ fold, those who don’t fold, have made serious cut-backs, or get bought out.  People everywhere are concerned.  Our health, just like getting sick with a cold is basically uncontrollable, but on a much more serious note…I can’t control which of my family or friends will get cancer.  I can’t control whether or not -“I” – will get cancer.

I can control what art (tattoos) I choose to be put on my body.  I can also choose how often I want to feel the pain, and if I can/can’t afford it.  It is something that I can choose to cover up, or show off.   And no one, can take it away from me.  It’s mine.   When God calls for me, it will go with me, and I’m sure he and I will visit about it (all of my art).  And that’s ok, he might have tattoos too… (please don’t leave me nasty comments or scripture, I have heard them all…it’s a joke people!)

Marriages.  I have questions and random thoughts about people and their marriages.   I wonder how many people out there really honestly have great marriages anymore.   And with that word “anymore”…how many, way back when, really did?   What possess someone to stay married when they are being mentally, emotionally, and/or physically abused?   I know that they probably love that person, but love yourself enough to get out.

Ask yourself, would I want my daughter/son in an abusive relationship like this?   What would I tell them to be doing about it?…  Why can’t every marriage be happy and fun, similar to mine?

No, that is not us, but it looks like fun huh?

Relationships.   Dysfunction seems to be the norm, through my eyes anyway.

Dysfunction in parent/child relationships.  That one is tough for me, it strikes a cord with me in a couple ways.

Parents who will never see their child as an adult, to other parents that have never really been parents at all (the absent parent), or the “not my son/daughter” parents.   All are people who are really missing out on so many important places in the lives of their children.   I am not perfect, please do not think I am tootin my own horn here, all I want is for some people to “open their eyes”…it’s amazing what they would see.

Disrespect in parent/child relationships.   Why is it tolerated for children to be disrespectful to their parents and/or other adults in this generation?   (I’m not talking about my kids here in this specific instance)   Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not asking for “yes maam/no maam” but I would appreciate something even along the lines as “yes, I’ll mow the lawn I know you just had surgery” instead of “I don’t know how to mow the lawn, I’m going to (fill in the blank here)”.   Yes, I know of several kids that talk to their parents this way.   And I could go on forever.   In this instant, mom has too much on her plate, and dad falls into the mental/emotional abuse category above so he’s no help.

Friendships.   Why is it that we have friends that we can talk openly about our marriages to, friends that we talk about our kids and the things that we’re dealing with, and friends that we share hobbies with.   Then we have other friends that we party with, that we shop with, that we commensurate with or that we go to church with.   Friends that we can laugh with, that we are hyper with, that we are mellow with.   Friends that we share trials with, that we lean on, that we’re there for and we know will be there for us.  How many of us have that “one” someone in our life that fulfills all those things?  Very few, I’m sure.

Facebook.   Facebook I have a lot of issues with you.   I love you.  I hate you.  I want to take a break from you.  I enjoy my time with you.  Conflicting isn’t it.   Facebook takes time away from BabyAm’s studying which makes it very hard for me to visit, when I don’t think she should be there…why is it ok for me?   I love seeing pictures of friends both old and new.  I love some of the words of wisdom that friends post.   I love being able to say what’s on my mind sometimes.

I don’t enjoy the games people play, Mafia Wars, Farmville etc.   Now, I have hidden them from my newsfeed as they pop up however, why should I be someone’s friend on FB if I have not seen them actually post anything in weeks, but when I look at their profile, they’ve been on…all day, everyday, but playing stupid games????   Didn’t they friend me because they wanted to actually stay in touch?   I want to delete you.

Why, if I wasn’t your friend in school, in the “hood”, or at work…are you wanting to be my FB friend?  Do you just want to see  pictures of my house, of my family, see what I do for a living, or in my personal time?   I wouldn’t invite you over for a BBQ (because we don’t really know each other), so why do I want you in my “circle” here?

If I have actually ignored you on FB, there is a reason I’m sure.   It could have been that I wasn’t in the mood to “catch up”. It could have been because we didn’t get along, or we weren’t friends.  It also could be because I am friends with people who are very private people and don’t prefer you knowing everything about them.  Whatever the case, don’t call me on the carpet with why I ignored you.   It wasn’t because I hate you, it wasn’t that you aren’t welcome in my life, it’s that my FB is just that, mine.  I don’t want to be judged, humiliated or stalked.

Does that make me stuck up, or just private?  Either way.  I don’t care.  I’m too old to care.

I need a cup of tea.  Tea fixes everything.

Posted by: A Mom w/Fears | April 11, 2010

Bloggy Friends

My bloggy friends are the BOMB!

Thank you so much for all your love and support for me and for KK.

I love you all! I have had a very depressed couple days, and you all have made it so much better, with your kind words and gestures…

Man I wish we all lived closer!

« Newer Posts - Older Posts »